Waiting

Waiting sucks. It’s hard. It doesn’t get easier after 30 years of life. I cannot believe that nearly a month has passed since the last time I wrote. So crazy. How is it that time moves so so so quickly yet waiting for a day can feel agonizing?

I am compulsively checking my email as I wait for the hiring manager to get back to me about the position that I applied for. The interview process was definitely an enjoyable one. The performance task allowed me to flex some muscles that I hadn’t worked in a while. I so so so much want for this to work out. It would complete this year of transformation that I hoped for.

I got the keys to my new apartment today. A and I are moving in together for real. We are in the midst of purchasing a couch. It feels both surreal and right at the same time to have this new identity – an us. An actual us. Not my favorite couch and not her favorite couch. But an our couch.

I got into an argument with one of my moms about A. She still doesn’t accept that I am dating a woman and then has the nerve to turn around and expect a close relationship with me. I refuse. I just refuse. I’m not playing games with her. We can be associates I guess if she refuses to accept me for who I am. Every other person I know is supportive and it’s a shame she would rather be on her lonely, holier than thou high horse than meet the person I love. My eyes are permanently rolled back.

I can feel that I am in a perpetual state of stress. I haven’t been able to do much other than be anxious about these changes in my life. I have not been eating properly. I need a major reset! A and I talked about doing the whole30 again. I think that is for good reason.

Well, I am going to look at couches to see if we can find another good one.

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