That’s what I’m looking forward to. I cannot believe that the time is closing in on Marion’s arrival. People have been asking me what it feels like and once again I don’t have a comment. Surreal I guess. I do feel nonchalant about it, namely because my brain hasn’t yet caught up to the fact that this is actually happening. She’s very special to me and it some ways I don’t think that myself has fully integrated who she is. The longing is gone. It’s just complete so I can move on, or so it seems sometimes. My emotions are all over the place this week! I did notice that I didn’t go to yoga on Friday, so maybe there is something to that.
I have been spending a lot of time with A. The girlfriend. It’s so weird I can’t believe I have a girlfriend. It feels – I don’t know. Probably surreal as well. Girlfriend actually sometimes feels – cheap – maybe like things are diminished a bit. I would never admit it publicly yet – feels too soon – but I think of her as more like the love of my life rather than a girlfriend. She’s just the best friend I never had yet….and I’ve had some amazing friendships. It’s like a best friendship on steroids. I sometimes wonder if it’s just going to blow up in my face.
Oh my wow. 2016 is really here! When I think about my 2015, especially my vision board, so many of those things came true for me. I am eager to be even more intentional about my 2016. With a loose vision, many things came to me. With intention, work, and purpose, I wonder what more will come.
I have a girlfriend now. It feels weird. I have been single for so long I don’t even know what it feels like to be in a relationship. I suppose the main thing that’s changed is that I spend a lot of time with her. She shares so much with me and gives so freely. Where I am focused is to make sure I know where I end and where she begins. She just spoils me so much it’s unreal. She spent 30 minutes searching in Old Navy to find me a sweater that I would like so that I could wear it to meet her friends. But because I am a nut she made sure to get something from the clearance rack. 🙂
Per the usual work has been triggering me a lot. Yet through it all I am struggling to care. I don’t know what I want from my career; I just know it isn’t this. I just know that Marion gave up too much for it to be this. I am getting close. I can feel it. For me, I cannot let a lack of clarity get in the way of taking action. I need to be done standing by watching people execute the things I am too fearful to pull the trigger on.
I had so much fun helping M write her cover letter and feeling like I was a part of her getting job. I love helping to make good writing great, and to help people find jobs they love. Maybe that’s what I should be doing.
I said something interesting to a friend yesterday — that there are so many ways to be part of a social justice movement. Doing the on the ground work day to day is a way, but providing financially is also another way. As long as it’s aligned, there is validity in the work. So maybe that’s where I will end up – in a job that, on the day to day, isn’t necessarily “fighting the good fight” but that allows me the freedom/flexibility/energy to volunteer or give money. Money is so important to the cause.
Things to note:
Meeting the friends
Birth of the twins