Monthly Archives: November 2015


I went to yoga and pilates this week. I am sooooooooooooo glad that I have a week off coming up. I am going to take full advantage of that fact! Headed down to Baltimore on Tuesday and coming back Friday. It’s going to be a perfect trip. A couple days with B, a couple days with Family and a couple days with just lil’ ole me!

I have been spending a lot of time with someone special lately. Unlike what I usually do, I have been firmly in the present with her. Not concerned about what could be – just enjoying my time with her while I have it.

A friend asked me if things were official yet, and I am not quite ready. I’m actually quite scared.

I sent Jamie a picture of this starfish. It’s broken. It does make me tear up though. I think because it’s just broken forever. If it were alive, it could repair itself. But, since it’s dead, it’s just broken. Some how between this week and last, someone broke it and now it can’t be fixed. Because someone was careless, nobody else can enjoy the whole starfish again. I am reminded of how fragile we all are in this life. There’s just something inherently sad about that to me.

I had a bit of a rough week as far as sugar consumption. I felt that it was out of control. It was not a great week when it came to that. In terms of building strength, I did a decent job but I am not sure if I could do more. I struggle to figure out when to push and when to let happen. There is such a fine line between patience and laziness and I don’t know what side of it I am on when it comes to this phase of my fitness journey. I don’t want to struggle my entire life with weight. It’s like I just want to arrive at that destination and be done. But maybe that’s not how life works…perhaps even for elite athletes that isn’t how it works.

I just said to a friend that will power can only take you so far. There’s only so much of it that you can have.

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NaNoWriMo is hard

So, so very hard. I pretty much feel like a failure with no discipline. I wrote for a day or so and then haven’t written since. Am I making excuses or is novel writing just not for me?

I do enjoy writing but I guess I don’t really like writing fiction. I knew that going into it, but I thought perhaps I could challenge myself to do something new. As a child I wrote daily, mostly short stories or journaling.

I don’t know why I had been paralyzed. I went to see my friend’s baby sister’s play. She’s an amazing playwright and artist and finishes work. I am both inspired by and intimidated by her. What is wrong with me that I can’t finish anything all of a sudden? What happened to my drive and determination? My focus?

I have been thinking a lot about weight lately, as usual. Two years ago I was at my lightest, now I am 20 pounds heavier. I am trying not to obsess about it.I need to strike a balance between obsessing about it as well as caring about it. I worked too hard to lose weight to gain it all back.

Inches. I am thinking about inches. How bad will I make myself feel over inches? I don’t want to make myself feel bad. 11/23/13 was 30 inches. Now, it’s 32 inches. I would feel better – I think – about 27 inches. I don’t know why.

I go back and forth between feeling comfortable and okay with wanting to be smaller. I really do want to take my yoga to the next level – and I wonder if I must be smaller for that. I am not sure. I know I need to be stronger?

Self, there’s just a few things to focus on. And don’t get caught in the details. Get your sugar consumption under control and build a strong core.

I need to quantify these goals a bit…quantify so that I can track them.

Sunday – Planet Fitness or Off

Monday – Pilates or Planet Fitness

Tuesday – Planet Fitness

Wednesday – Gentle Vinyasa or Planet Fitness

Thursday – Planet Fitness

Friday – Breathe and Flow

Saturday – Pilates or Planet Fitness

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Starting now. Journal on pause.

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