Monthly Archives: November 2014

Dear self

It’s time to look up the benefits information for PT. I really enjoyed my visit to the doctor. They were quite professional. I know, sort of strange to be impressed by that but given that my last experiences were at cheap providers – I suppose it shows. I went to a student’s sweet 16 last night. AWWWW. It was amazing. It’s been like 3 years since I had seen most of them. They look older but I look younger. Fascinating.

Work has been okay. An event next week got cancelled which is a huge relief. I dread those days. It’s just so last minute and stressful. I feel like I earned not having to deal with it and the universe somehow delivered it. Thank you 1000x.

My weight has been fluctuating again. I got down to 193 and was so happy and overjoyed and felt like 160 was right around the corner. That was short lived, because now, I’m stable at around 199. I try not to be too concerned about it. Just get steps in self and enjoy the ride.

So, date # 2 will be happening shortly. Remember self – periphery. This person, although entertaining, is no one to you. Not a momma. Not a bff. So keep them in the distance. Enjoy the ride.

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More Caesar

Well, the ultimate wasn’t on sale this particular time. So I opted for the fresh grocer original. Doesn’t even come close. But, I just wanted to highlight that I am such a creature of habit that I am.

It’s interesting. Something I’ve been thinking about is – as I learn more about other people’s lives – I am not the only one who has had sadness and disappointments. It’s just – for example – a lady I worked with – I asked her how her weekend was and she shared that their family cat was run over by a car in front of her children and lots of other children. Like. Traumatic. And then someone else on my team – they said that their partner’s gradmother just passed. But there we are, still at work together. Still working on behalf of students. The  world must continue to turn.

I have been thinking about my own mortality lately. It’s really not a comforting feeling. Maybe this is because I live near a funeral home and I notice funeral processions more. In a yoga class, a more recent one before I put a pause on going while I settle this sports medicine thing, the teacher said that we can choose for time to pass slowly or for time to pass quickly. I remember Shelly saying something about that too. When I was during my first year of teaching, I was constantly wishing time away – hoping for the weekend. During her journey to leave the classroom, I remember her saying this was a key reason that she knew she needed to leave. Why would someone want to wish time away when it is really all that we have?

I am choosing for things to move more slowly now. I have found it to be enjoyable. If I have a finite number of breaths, I’d like to take them slow so it lasts longer.

I was watching an ASMR video and think I had a different experience. It was pretty interesting. It was a boyfriend ASMR where the guy was just saying how wonderful and amazing I am. I’m not sure if  these were new tingles or the tingles and my previous tingles haven’t been tingles at all. In either instance, I definitely liked it.

I wanted to record this somewhere – because it’s in my mind and I am trying to discard it. But. For some reason, there’s a person in my life right now and I just have this strange feeling that they are meant to be someone special. It’s like damnit, here goes that 12 year old socialization to think about weddings and marriage and children. I tried to think if I had this thought or experience about others. It’s been such a long time that I don’t know. Actually, yes, I did have this feeling about someone and the feeling sort of faded. I keep thinking about this happily ever after. Somewhere in my mind though, I have thoughts of at least 2 husbands. Amicable divorce after the first one. And then there’s a child, too. I just have to write it down in case these predictions come true. That way I’ll know my intuition is hella sharp.

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Ultimate Caesar

I love this Dole salad kit too much. And I’m onto you, Fresh Grocer. Sundays, the salad kits are 50% off. And my god is this thing delicious.  It’s just the perfect blend of sour and sweet and zesty. YUM. I’m going to make steak tonight as well. Today is just going to be an amazing food day.

I put the scale away last night when I was cleaning up. I put it away so that I can do my floors. But, deep down, I also put it away because I know nothing is going to change overnight. I have really dialed back my fitness since that knee thing in yoga. I really want to go on the appointment now because I want to know what modifications I can make so that I can start going again. Thankfully, I’ve had great instructors there who sent home the message that so much of yoga isn’t physical anyways. So I can still practice (and have been practicing) even since my injury.

I’m not sure if its paranoia or serendipity but I have started to sleep with my knee slightly bent by placing a pillow underneath it. Strangely this has made it so that I don’t move like at all in the middle of the night. I wonder if somehow it puts my hips or something in a different, more aligned position.

I had a fun night last night with my friends. I have some really brilliant people in my life. We were discussing how the mid to late 20s are an interesting time in life. It’s like adolescence all over again except this time you don’t know what’s going on and you know you don’t know what’s going on. You know how you have issues but don’t know how necessarily to fix them. This of course in contrast with middle school when you didn’t know shit but thought you knew everything.

I seriously just scarfed down that entire bag of salad. I think this is because I haven’t eaten anything green in a while and my cells were just desperate for it. That’s okay though. MMM Ultimate Caesar.

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