It’s really March.
So much time. Dare I even say too much time has passed already. Last year this time I was in the midst of my reiki journey. I felt more…I just felt happier. I felt that I was taking care of myself more. I felt I was focused most on relationships and getting clutter out of my life.
I won’t say that I have completely fallen back into old habits. But things are more of a struggle now. In some ways I don’t think I thought through how much my life would change with having a roommate. There is good and there is bad. I recall hearing advice once…I should have taken it more to heart…that it feels better to pay for things yourself.
Somehow my living situation morphed from my roommate buying food and I cooking shared meals to my roommate paying for all food and adjudicating herself from any household responsibilities. This is not at all what I had in mind. Nor is it fair.
Illustration: she can’t even put dishes in the sink regularly or wash dishes regularly. She actually brought in dirty dishes from her car for ME to wash Because they are mine??!! WTF.
I told her that I let her borrow the dishes and that it was disrespectful to my things to do that. Then she played like “but I thought the dishes were mine.” I then told her it’s just rude to bring dirty dishes into a house when you had opportunity to wash them. We left conversation there.
Its created a weird dynamic. She has a much better deal. Pay $100/month for all meals and meal cleanup. And household cleanup. So when I do things on my own time schedule…she feels entitled to my time because she paid for the ingredients for food. But I feel entitled to my own time because I still have leftovers from a meal to eat. Ahhhh.
I did this out of convenience at first. We were eating a lot of meat, and that was expensive. I didn’t mind her paying for it. But now she’s vegan and we don’t eat the same. I also started a new job and want control of my own time. I’m not working from home anymore. There’s not ability to multitask. But…it’s so hard to say no to money. Especially when I’m saving and saving and working toward goals.
I believe I know what it feels like to be a housewife. It’s thankless, ridiculously hard work. And I don’t have a child with this person to complicate things. I don’t know what I’m waiting for to liberate myself….I think I want my student loans paid off. I don’t know where I got into my head that I can’t do this alone on this salary. I honestly think it’s been her struggles and insecurities and money issues. She made 30k (yes 30…I didn’t mean 3) more than me last year but is constantly stating brokenness. Refers to my old salary as not able to be lived on. But I did live on it. Maybe I don’t have a car.
Wait. I have been doing a lot of thinking. That would make me a LOT more independent. I would have access to the groceries that I need when I need them. I’d not need to ask her to borrow car for laundry. Or a ride to an inconvenient job site. I’m worried that I can’t afford it. I’m trying to hold out until my loans are paid off before getting a car. I don’t like having loan payments.
A car comes with additional expenses like insurance and gas. I don’t spend that much money in transportation. I wonder how much of my time I’m interested in paying for…..
Mondays: 30 min gained AM and PM
Tuesdays: 20 min gained AM and PM
Wednesdays: 35 min gained AM and PM
Thursdays: 20 min gained AM and PM
I stand to gain no fewer than 3 hours per week by purchasing a car. This is 12 hours per month.
After a bit of an intermission reading things…I’m still Ok to be car free. But what I can do is budget for car sharing. Keep in mind all the exercise I’m getting by being car free. I’ll be OK.
I need to resolve myself to the fact that I do. not. Need her money or support for survival or happiness. I can do it alone and I can do it on less money.