Monthly Archives: August 2006

Smoke Rings

There have been a series of betrayls and heartbreaks and heartaches and stresses since January 2006. It’s a shame I was unable to pen them at that present moment in time. I’ve spent the last 2.5 months living in the woods (read: working at a summer camp) and I’ve had a lot of time to think about things. Mostly, I think about people. I think about the people I knew, the people I know, and the people we all will become. In January 2006 I wouldn’t have been able to be grown up enough clean up puke and pissy bedsheets discreetly as to not ruin an 11-year-old girl’s integrity. Now, however, I revel in the ingenuity it takes to think of 6 different stories as to why a particular camper’s bed is always wet and how it is never the child’s fault, but rather mine and my fellow co-counselors. In January 2006, I wouldn’t have understood that punishment and consequence are difficult for both ends (the issuer and the receiver). I sort of had an ephiphany moment.

In April, due to some unforseen circumstances (read: haters), I was forced to resign from my Resident Mentor job for this fall. I’d much rather not get into the details about it, because even to this day it is upsetting. It was probably just as hard for my boss to “fire” me as it was for me to be fired. I’m still pretty fired up about it (pun intended), so I’ll leave that at that. After enduring that whole mess, I found it hard to trust people. Especially people that I worked with. Quite fortunately, I was able to put all that behind me and work successfully with about 30 other people this summer. It sort of just naturally happens when you’re 50 feet up in the air on a high ropes course and your carelessness and/or the carelessness of those whom you work with could cost you and arm and a leg, quite literally.

My mind is moving so quickly, because I haven’t sat down to write my thoughts out in quite some time. I suppose something that I keep thinking about is money. I wish I had more. Yet although I want it, I can’t seem to bring myself to make “fast money.” You know what I mean. . . and if you don’t, then you don’t. I won’t say I have a perfect sense of morality because mine is complex and especially unconventional.

I feel incredibly tired as of now. I suppose it is because I didn’t sleep for two months and have been moving nonstop to catch up with friends since I returned from the woods. I would really enjoy writing a poem now, but I feel no inspiration. A cruel, cruel joke my mind plays on me.


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