Monthly Archives: January 2006

an ode to ML


it swirls it twirls in circles in spirals


in dances inside my lungs as it coats them black with tar


yet still


i have desire


it steals from my wallet


it makes me wish i had more money to spend on it


it is cause for me to be ostraciszed


yet still


i have desire


i pity the fool who asks the age old


tired


stupid question :


why exactly do you do it?


i do it to watch my troubles


fly far away up in smoke


i do it to fill the empty space between cups of coffee


i do it even when i tell myself i’m not going to do it anymore


because still


i desire


 

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i’m sort of in a state of free floating anxiety. whenever i meet someone new and try to befriend them, i become neurotic. it is the psychology major in me that makes me think that nobody can ever just do anything,but yet they must be acting upon some urge or drive or desire be it conscious or unconscious. my train of thought can be very preventative and annoying to me (and probably others), so i try to work on it.


i asked my compagnon d’├óme, heather, what i should do relating to a boy situation. i told her how its been almost like walking on eggshells because i don’t know him that well and am not trying to offend him or anything of the sort. her reply sort of shocked me, not because of what she said, but because it was exactly what i was planning on doing : don’t talk to him.


i’m not a game player, to say the least, but i will not be the person (read: fool) who is stupid enough to not recognize a one sided friendship.


if the boy is a human being, at the very least, i should hear from him soon, either in efforts of continuing our frienship or otherwise. however, if i don’t hear from him, he’s some rare species of man, perhaps Australopithecus anamensis, who is even more primitive than a neandertal, and clearly has no concept of the human experience.

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